THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
