is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
