dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
