How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
