Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
