he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
