They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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