Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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