We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
