Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
