If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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