Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
