My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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