Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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