Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
People in love make me want to vomit
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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