I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
no you cant smoke seaweed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
