Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
