I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
