Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize