Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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