like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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