I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
