eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize