On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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