2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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