Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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