sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
