I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
