just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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