Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
