how can u be prego again
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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