I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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