we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I could fuck to npr.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
