I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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