I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
