she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
