Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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