I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
