Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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