So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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