I accidentally had phone sex last night
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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