clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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