so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Someone shattered a urinal.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
