He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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