Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
