Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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