Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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