she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
