seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
