some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
