Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
