I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
