its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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