she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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