woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
