I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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