im drinking this country out of the recession.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
