you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
