Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
