we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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