erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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