You smell like stripper and shame
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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