so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
