I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize