I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
