I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
