Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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