He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
