i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
