Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
