It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
