I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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