nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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