Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
