She said her name was "party"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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