We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You can't just leave with hair like that
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
