sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
