Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
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Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The Olympian is in my bed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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