Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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