apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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