After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
